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Jokes and Jabbs
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Author:  casper [ Thu Feb 20, 2014 8:56 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

Toyota is a little limp... :cheers:

Author:  carnuck [ Mon Feb 24, 2014 8:36 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

A man received the following text from his neighbor:

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night, when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".

Author:  1985amceagle [ Tue Mar 25, 2014 6:50 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

seen on a thread concerning eaglefreek's wagon with an ls.

Quote:
At a time when all car manufacturers were trying to compete with each other for the most technically advanced car available , AMC says fuck it , we are using door handles from the 60's .

Author:  Prafeston [ Tue Mar 25, 2014 7:02 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

Haha I saw that comment!

Author:  Eaglefreek [ Wed Mar 26, 2014 5:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

carnuck wrote:
A man received the following text from his neighbor:

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night, when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again.

The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her.

A few moments later, a second text came in:

Damn autocorrect. I meant "wifi", not "wife".

That's hilarious!




1985amceagle wrote:
seen on a thread concerning eaglefreek's wagon with an ls.

Quote:
At a time when all car manufacturers were trying to compete with each other for the most technically advanced car available , AMC says fuck it , we are using door handles from the 60's .

I saw that also. Jeep used them until 2006. I bet there isn't a door handle that has been used in production as long as the AMC unit.

Author:  Mernsy [ Wed Mar 26, 2014 1:09 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

Toward the end of the Sunday service, the Minister asked, "How many of you have forgiven your enemies?"

80% held up their hands.

The Minister then repeated his question.

All responded this time, except one man, an avid golfer named Walter Barnes, who attended church only when the weather was bad.

"Mr. Barnes, it's obviously not a good morning for golf. It's good to see you here today. Are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don't have any," he replied gruffly.

"Mr. Barnes, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Ninety-eight," he replied. The congregation stood up and clapped their hands.

"Oh, Mr. Barnes, would you please come down to the front and tell us all how a person can live ninety-eight years & not have an enemy in the world?"

The old golfer tottered down the aisle, stopped in front of the pulpit, turned around, faced the congregation, and said simply,

"I outlived the bastards."

Author:  carnuck [ Thu Mar 27, 2014 5:01 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

Read to the end!

Train Station Watches Were Just the Beginning

If you were in the market for a watch in1880, would you know where to get one? You would go to a store, right? Well, of course you could do that, but if you wanted one that was cheaper and a bit better than most of the store watches, you went to the train station! Sound a bit funny? Well, for about 500 towns across the northern United States, that's where the best watches were found.

Why were the best watches found at the train station? The railroad company wasn't selling the watches, not at all. The telegraph operator was. Most of the time the telegraph operator was located in the railroad station because the telegraph lines followed the railroad tracks from town to town. It was usually the shortest distance and the right-of-ways had already been secured for the rail line.

Most of the station agents were also skilled telegraph operators and that was the primary way that they communicated with the railroad. They would know when trains left the previous station and when they were due at their next station. And it was the telegraph operator who had the watches. As a matter of fact they sold more of them than almost all the stores combined for a period of about 9 years.

This was all arranged by "Richard", who was a telegraph operator himself. He was on duty in the North Redwood, Minnesota train station one day when a load of watches arrived from the east. It was a huge crate of pocket watches. No one ever came to claim them.

So Richard sent a telegram to the manufacturer and asked them what they wanted to do with the watches. The manufacturer didn't want to pay the freight back, so they wired Richard to see if he could sell them. So Richard did. He sent a wire to every agent in the system asking them if they wanted a cheap, but good, pocket watch. He sold the entire case in less than two days and at a handsome profit.

That started it all. He ordered more watches from the watch company and encouraged the telegraph operators to set up a display case in the station offering high quality watches for a cheap price to all the travelers. It worked! It didn't take long for the word to spread and, before long, people other than travelers came to the train station to buy watches.

Richard became so busy that he had to hire a professional watch maker to help him with the orders. That was Alvah. And the rest, as they say, is history.

The business took off and soon expanded to many other lines of dry goods.

Richard and Alvah left the train station and moved their company to Chicago -- and it's still there.

IT'S A LITTLE KNOWN FACT

that for a while in the1880's, the biggest watch retailer in the country was at the train station.

It all started with a telegraph operator:

Richard Sears and his partner Alvah Roebuck!

Author:  1985amceagle [ Thu Mar 27, 2014 6:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

happy easter, early I guess

Attachments:
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Author:  1985amceagle [ Mon Mar 31, 2014 8:48 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

saw this on the den, might not be around too long over there? a member was looking for woodgrain ideas, the OP will remain nameless. I think ie will just clean it up, as hopefully he understands the member's humor, but if it was steveville, I think the member would have been booted. :(

Quote:
Nyan cat. Or penises.

Why not stand out?

In all honesty, I'd avoid that. Here's what you SHOULD do :

Author:  mudkicker715 [ Mon Mar 31, 2014 10:07 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

I now know what Nyan cat is. Thanks to that person. Also suprised noone reported it yet.

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