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Jokes and Jabbs
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Author:  Pat [ Sun Nov 17, 2013 4:54 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

Father O'Malley answers the phone. 'Hello, is this Father O'Malley?'

'It is!'

'This is the IRS. Can you help us?'

'I can!'

'Do you know a Ted Houlihan?'

'I do!'

'Is he a member of your congregation?'

'He is!'

'Did he donate $10,000 to the church?'

'He will.'

Author:  Pat [ Tue Nov 19, 2013 3:43 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

Lucille decided to give herself a big treat for her 70th birthday by staying overnight in a really nice hotel.. When she checked out the next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00. She demanded to know why the charge was so high.

"I agree it's a nice hotel, but the rooms aren't worth $250..00 for just an overnight stay - I didn't even have breakfast!"

The clerk told her that $250.00 is the 'standard rate,' and breakfast had been included had she wanted it.

She insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."

"But I didn't use them."

''Well, they are here, and you could have." He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which they were so famous."We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here."

"But I didn't go to any of those shows.."

"Well, we have them, and you could have."

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion, and with the Manager still unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him.

The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But Madam, this check is for only $50.00 "That's correct I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me."

"But I didn't!"

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

Author:  maddog [ Tue Nov 19, 2013 5:24 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

bill engvall has one similar to that.

Author:  Pat [ Sat Nov 23, 2013 9:02 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

Here's one for you guys with dogs.


A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous. They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard it. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip.

The father again looked and the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!". A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing!

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled,"Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"

Author:  Shagg [ Tue Nov 26, 2013 6:38 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

:lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: :lmao: I literally LOL'ed loudly at that hahahaha.

Author:  Pat [ Fri Feb 07, 2014 7:10 am ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

This was just posted on FTE, so it was new for me. I realize it's now almost 14 years old & I saw Carnuck posted on it back when, still a good laugh if you haven't seen it before.

http://www.explorerforum.com/forums/sho ... hp?t=18595

Author:  carnuck [ Fri Feb 07, 2014 1:04 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

Pat wrote:
This was just posted on FTE, so it was new for me. I realize it's now almost 14 years old & I saw Carnuck posted on it back when, still a good laugh if you haven't seen it before.

http://www.explorerforum.com/forums/sho ... hp?t=18595


I didn't invent the internet. I AM the internet! LOL! Fake carnucks on the info highway are shut down pretty fast and there is someone PO'd with me for doing that.

Author:  1985amceagle [ Thu Feb 20, 2014 7:26 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

Image

Author:  casper [ Thu Feb 20, 2014 8:47 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

we have had cars towed into the shop for this right here! so they had a tow bill plus a diagnostic charge because they were stupid! LMAO

Author:  1985amceagle [ Thu Feb 20, 2014 8:53 pm ]
Post subject:  Re: Jokes and Jabbs

Image

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