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PostPosted: Sat Feb 23, 2013 8:35 pm 
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:lmao: I do that when the gf is taking too long in an isle :speedy: .

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rofl beej ahhahahaha that's a reference to a blowjob right??? WE got a blow job for our 100th member... it's the good life.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 6:59 pm 
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Most of these jokes are NOT mine. these were posted on the old forum. I am only transferring them to the new forum. I do not take responsibility for these jokes. they are posted by the members listed in the joke box.

shaggimo wrote:
So while on the jeep forum I go to now and again I stumbled across a joke thread, thought it was a
good idea, and since we all seem to be a light hearted, good humored bunch why not add some jabbs
too? :lol: So lets see em'. These two jokes aren't mine, but ones I read on the other forum that I found
amusing......



A little guy is sat at the bar, when all of a sudden a thug smacks him in the face an says''thats KUNG FU
from japan'', a bit later the thug smacks him again an says'' thats TAEKWON-DO from korea'', the little
guy gets up an leaves the bar. A short time later he comes back and smacks the thug knockining him
out cold and says to the barman'' when that fool wakes up, tell him that was a fawking SHOVEL from my
Jeep.

________________________________________________________________________

A drunk was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his friends late one night.
He led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong and a mallet.

What's that big brass gong one of the guests asked.

It's not a gong. It's a talking clock, the drunk replied.

A talking clock Seriously asked his astonished friend.

Yup, replied the drunk.

How's it work the friend asked, squinting at it.

Watch, the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave the gong an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back.

The three stood looking at one another for a moment.......speechless.



Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, You ***-hole! It's three-fifteen in the morning!

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1987 :amc: Jeep Comanche - 4.0


Last edited by 1985amceagle on Sun Feb 24, 2013 8:09 pm, edited 2 times in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 7:00 pm 
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trailbreaker wrote:
ever hear the one about the homosexual bank robber? he tied up the safe and blew the guard :o back to the gutter folks :mrgreen:

Eagle Kammback wrote:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AJDx3H_hvI8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnGnl-UElVA

shaggimo wrote:
trailbreaker wrote:
ever hear the one about the homosexual bank robber? he tied up the safe and blew the guard :o back to the gutter folks :mrgreen:


:lol: Nice!!

I'll have to wathch the vids on a computer with sound......

James was tending bar late one night, it was a very slow night, not a soul in the place. As he was
cleaning the glasses he hears "Gimme a beer", he turns to see nothing, thinks he must be hearing things,
goes back to cleaning glasses. A moment later, "Gimme a beer" a bit louder this time, turns to see
nothing again, kinda spooked this time, slowly goes back to his duties. Another moment goes by he
hears "Goddamnit, I asked twice, Now Gimme a beer!", He turns to see a little person standing on the
bar stool glaring at him. Astonished, James goes into an apologetic frenzy of "I didn't see you there!",
and gets the patron his first couple beers on the house. The two sit and drink for a while, when James
asks the man "Hey, I've got to take a piss, would you mind watching the bar for a moment?" The little
man replies with "The bar is dead and I've got to go to, but I can't reach the urinal, would you mind
dragging a stool in there for me?" James agrees, drags the stool in for the man. James starts his piss,
the little man drags his stool next James and climbs atop, not wanting to offend, he doesn't say
anything, when all of a sudden, the little man grabs James by the balls and says, "Gimme your wallet or
I'll Jump!!".

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1985 eagle wagon - 258
1987 :amc: Jeep Comanche - 4.0


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 7:01 pm 
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Eagle Kammback wrote:
Image

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1985 eagle wagon - 258
1987 :amc: Jeep Comanche - 4.0


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 7:02 pm 
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Posts: 2030
shaggimo wrote:
______________________________________

An old married couple no sooner hit the pillows
when the old man passes gas and says, 'Seven Points.'

His wife rolls over and says, 'What in the world was that?'

The old man replied, 'It's fart football.'

A few minutes later his wife lets one go and says 'Touchdown, tie
score.'

After about five minutes the old man lets another one go and says, 'Aha.
I'm ahead 14 to 7.'

Not to be outdone the wife rips out another one and says, 'Touchdown,
tie score.'

Five seconds go by and she lets out a little squeaker and says,

'Field goal, I lead 17 to 14 .' Now the pressure is on the old man.

He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard.

Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got,


And accidentally poops in the bed.


The wife says, 'What the heck was that?'


The old man says, 'Half time, switch sides!!

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1985 eagle wagon - 258
1987 :amc: Jeep Comanche - 4.0


Last edited by 1985amceagle on Sun Feb 24, 2013 7:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 7:03 pm 
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trailbreaker wrote:
a man walks into a bar with a horse, the man tells the bartender he will bet 500 dollars that he can make the horse laugh! the bartenders takes the bet. the man whispers in the horses ear and the horse falls down laughing. he than says i will bet anouther 500 i can make the horse cry, the bartender says your on. the man leads the horse into a back room for a moment and comes out with the horse crying. the bartender gives the man a thousand dollars and asks by the way how did you make the horse laugh? the man responded i told him my dick was bigger than his, then the barkeep says wow did you get him to cry? the man says that was easy i showed him :shock:

shaggimo wrote:
:lol:


This one made me chuckle:

IMPORTANT TO SPEAK AND UNDERSTAND ENGLISH ...

I had a roll of Canadian dollars I needed to exchange,
so I went to the currency exchange window at my local bank.

I stood in the short line.

Just one lady in front of me. An Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen
for dollars and she was a little irritated.

She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yestaday, I get two hunta dolla of
yen. Today I get hunta ninety? Why it change?"

The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations."

The Asian lady said, "Fluc you white people, too!"

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1985 eagle wagon - 258
1987 :amc: Jeep Comanche - 4.0


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 7:10 pm 
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Posts: 2030
trailbreaker wrote:
a elderly couple had just gotten married.
on there wedding nite the old man got undressed in a hurry
the elderly lady came out of the bathroom naked and
told the man before we start i must warn you i have accute anjina.
the old man responded you better cause your tits are horrible. ;)

regalwizard wrote:
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with the Canadian authorities
off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.


Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET.
WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS.
I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE-FIVE DEGREES NORTH,
OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

mudkicker715 wrote:

shaggimo wrote:
read this on another forum, :lol: :lol:

Arthur Davidson, of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation,
dies and goes to heaven. At the gates, an angel tells
Davidson, "Well, you've been such a good guy and your
motorcycles have changed the world. As a reward, you
can hang out with anyone you want to in Heaven."

Davidson thinks about it and says, "I wanna hang out
with God, Himself." The befeathered fellow at the Gates
takes Arthur to the Throne Room and introduces him to
God. Arthur then asks God, "Hey, aren't you the inventor
of Woman?"

God says, "Ah, yes."

"Well," says Davidson, "You have some major design flaws
in your invention:

1. there's too much front end protrusion

2. it chatters at high speeds

3. the rear end wobbles too much, and

4. the intake is placed too close to the exhaust."

"Hmmm..." replies God, "hold on."

God goes to the Celestial Supercomputer, types in a
few keystrokes, and waits for the result. The computer
prints out a slip of paper and God reads it. "It may
be that my invention is flawed," God replies to Arthur
Davidson, "but according to My Computer, more people
are riding my invention than yours."

shaggimo wrote:
hahaha so true :lol:


Here's a couple funny pics from the net

Image

Image


and here's one from me, I found it funny at least.

Image
this was for an HO2 sensor for a saturn, Genuine GM eh? :lol: or was that Genuine Honda? :roll:


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 7:14 pm 
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Joined: Fri Feb 08, 2013 4:49 pm
Posts: 1882
Location: Toledo, Iowa USA
Kind of like the AMC sticker stuck on Motorcraft Ignition Modules.

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"You gotta know the basics before you do the mods."
"I was in to AMC's before AMC's were cool."

1970 Ambassador SST 2 dr Hard Top Coupe
1980 Concord DL 4 dr
1982 Eagle SX/4 Sport


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 7:25 pm 
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Joined: Thu Feb 07, 2013 6:43 pm
Posts: 2030
shaggimo wrote:
Heaven was getting crowded so St Peter decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died."

The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died."

St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in.

He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!"

St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job.

"Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line.

"OK, picture this, I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator........


shaggimo wrote:
One from the Girly

Image

Do Not Scare the Windmills :lol: .


shaggimo wrote:
Just because I thought it was too funny not to share......
What does one do when the secondary fan goes coput on the furnace?
Image
remove original, replace with pedestal :lol:
Image


No, this was not my idea, :lol:


Eagle Kammback wrote:
David staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen.

He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.

Managing not to yell, David sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood..

He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.

In the morning, David woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room.

She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?'

David said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?'

'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ...... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.


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PostPosted: Sun Feb 24, 2013 7:33 pm 
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Joined: Thu Feb 07, 2013 6:43 pm
Posts: 2030
Eagle Kammback wrote:
Dear Noah,
We could have sworn you said the ark wasn't leaving till 5.
Sincerely, Unicorns

Dear Twilight fans,
Please realize that because vampires are dead and have no blood pumping through them, they can never get an erection.
Enjoy fantasizing about that.
Sincerely, Logic

Dear Icebergs,
Sorry to hear about the global warming. Karma's a bitch.
Sincerely, The Titanic

Dear America,
You produced Miley Cyrus. Bieber is your punishment.
Sincerely, Canada

Dear Yahoo,
I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying...
Sincerely, Google

Dear 2010,
So I hear the best rapper is white and the president is black? WTF happened?!
Sincerely, 1985

Dear Windshield Wipers,
Can't touch this.
Sincerely, That Little Triangle

Dear girls who have been dumped,
There are plenty of fish in the sea... Just kidding! They're all dead.
Sincerely, BP

Dear Saturn,
I liked it, so I put a ring on it.
Sincerely, God

Dear Fox News,
So far, no news about foxes.
Sincerely, Unimpressed

Dear Michael Jackson,
You really should have became a Catholic Priest. The pay isn't great, but the benefits....
Sincerely, The Pope

Dear jf;ldsfa/kvsmmklnn,
Please lknvfdmv.xvn.
Sincerely, Stevie Wonder

Dear Skin-Colored Band Aids,
Please make one for every skin color. **** you.
Sincerely, Black people

Dear Scissors,
I feel your pain.....no one wants to run with me either.
Sincerely, Sarah Palin

Dear Mary,
Just admit that you slept with someone else. This is getting out of hand.
Sincerely, Joseph

Dear Osama Bin Laden,
Marco....
Sincerely, United States

Dear World of Warcraft,
Thank you for ensuring my son's virginity.
Sincerely, Parents Everywhere

Dear Batman,
What was your power again?
Sincerely, Superman

Dear Customers,
Yes, we ARE making fun of you in Vietnamese.
Sincerely, Nail Salon Ladies

Dear Ugly People,
You're welcome.
Sincerely, Alcohol

Dear Martin Luther King Jr.
I have a dream within a dream within a dream within another dream.... What now?
Sincerely, Leonardo Di Caprio

Dear World,
Please stop freaking out about 2012. Our calendars ends there because some
Spanish d-bags invaded our country and we got a little busy ok?
Sincerely, The Mayans

Dear Snooki,
GET BACK TO WORK!
Sincerely, Willy Wonka

Dear White People,
Don't you just hate immigrants?
Sincerely, Native Americans

Dear iPhone,
Please stop spellchecking all of my rude words into nice words. You piece of shut.
Sincerely, Every iPhone User

Dear Trash,
At least you get picked up...
Sincerely, The Girls of Jersey Shore

Dear Man,
It's cute, but can you pick up peanuts with it?
Sincerely, Elephant

Dear Dr. Phil,
Look man, there's only room for one fake doctor in this world and I was here first.
Sincerely, Dr Pepper

Dear Charlie Sheen,
It was a good run. I'm going miss you.
Sincerely, Sanity


Eagle Kammback wrote:
Image


Eagle Kammback wrote:
A man was sunbathing naked at the beach. For the sake of civility, and to keep it from getting sunburned, he had a hat over his privates.

A woman walks past and says, snickering, "If you were a gentleman you'd lift your hat."

He raised an eyebrow and replied, "If you weren't so ugly it would lift itself."






One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth.

However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he finally replied, "OK. My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money."

The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?"

No, the boy said, "He actually plays for the Cleveland Browns, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the class."


amcinstaller wrote:
little jonny was sent to the principals office (again!) at school one day. when he got home, his mother was scolding him, and asked, "they say that you were speaking rudely at school today, and you used the "c" word. was that clever?"

little jonny replied, "no, it was cunt."


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