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PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 9:48 pm 
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regalwizard wrote:
Oil Changing Instructions for Women:

1. Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3,000 since the last oil change.
2. Drink a cup of coffee.
3. 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:

$20.00 for oil change
$1.00 for coffee.

TOTAL: $21.00


Oil Change Instructions for Men:

1. Go to store, spend $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
2. Get home to discover that the used oil container is full.
3. Instead of taking it to local repair garage for recycling, dump in hole in back yard.
4. Open a beer and drink it.
5. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
6. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
7. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
8. Place drain pan under engine.
9. Look for 9/16th box end wrench.
10. give up and use crescent wrench.
11. Unscrew drain plug.
12. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil ; get hot oil on you in process.
13. Clean up mess.
14. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
15. Look for oil filter wrench.
16. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
17. Beer.
18. Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
19. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
20. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
21. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
22. Walk to 7 Eleven; buy beer.
23. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
24. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
25. Remember drain plug from step 11.
26. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
27. Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
28. Drink Beer.
29. Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
30. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
31. Drink beer.
32. Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
33. Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.
34. Begin cussing a fit.
35. Throw wrench.
36. Swear 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss July (1992) in her overabundant chest.
36. Beer.
37. Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
38. Beer.
39. Beer.
40. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
41. Beer.
42. Lower car from jack stands.
43. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
44. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
45. Beer
46. Test drive car.
47. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.
48. Car gets impounded.
49. Make bail: Get car from impound yard.

Money spent:

$50.00 parts
$25.00 Beer
$75.00 replacement set of jack stands
$1,000.00 Bail
$200.00 Impound and towing fee

TOTAL: $1,350.00

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PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2013 9:55 pm 
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shaggimo wrote:
shaggimo wrote:
I don't know about oil change directions, but that's just about right for a tranny swap, haha :lol:


amcinstaller wrote:
man, number 36 is total tragedy.


mudkicker715 wrote:
21 is horrible
shaggimo wrote:
mudkicker715 wrote:
21 is horrible



:o what ever happened to friends bringing beer over to drink, and not drinking all of yours?
amcinstaller wrote:
i never let them in without beer! :lol:
joshpit2003 wrote:
Awe, but this is neglecting to mention how retarded the employees are at such a place as Jiffy-Lube.
Last time my girlfriend took her car there (I warned her not to) I had to rescue her ass because the car wouldn't start after they were done working on it.
Places that do oil-changes like to pull every fuckin part off your engine, show it to you, and try to convince you it is time to replace it.
(a great way for them to make money), but also a great way to bust old parts trying to get them out.

They tore the PCV valve hose in half, which caused the car to idle VERY rough and eventually die. They denied anything and I took the fuckin list of shit they "CKECK" to my mechanic and he laughed when he saw "PCV Valve" was one of them. Fuckers broke the hose in half, and decided not to tell us.
wasted 4 hours of our day and cost use one AAA tow.

I took the car back to them, did some yelling and they finally ordered the right hose for us from the dealership. I also made them install it while I watched. hahaha. :twisted:

Moral of the story: Unless you are always as drunk as MK, you should never take your car to any place that doesn't have a certified mechanic working at all times.
mudkicker715 wrote:
Wtf as drunk as mk. I'm so going to punch you inn the face haha not really. How did you know iwas half there. Speaking of which I just dropped a drain plug in the catch pan damn it. Double damn it
amcinstaller wrote:
yea, im with you josh. my fiance took her car to a minute loube close to our house. i just didnt have the time, and it was wayyyy too far overdue. next day the car started over heating, turns out the asshats over tightened the coolant resovoir lid and it wouldnt release the pressure. damn car pissed out all the coolant all over.
shaggimo wrote:
How the hell could one over tighten an over flow cap :? scary.......
mudkicker715 wrote:
I'm with shag. Wtf
amcinstaller wrote:
yea, true talent. it was a plastic bottle, not like a rad cap, but holy shit was it on tight.
1985amceagle wrote:
:bump: may seem like it didn't pay to bump now, but im going to post something related later on out of a magazine when I scan it in. I just don't want to go looking for this thread again. :oops:

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rofl beej ahhahahaha that's a reference to a blowjob right??? WE got a blow job for our 100th member... it's the good life.


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PostPosted: Sat Feb 09, 2013 2:03 pm 
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heres the reason why I bumped the post, and why shag copied it over - I don't know

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PostPosted: Sun Feb 10, 2013 3:00 pm 
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Love the "pick fights on the internet, is it fixed now" yes, liar :lol:

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p0wn wrote:
rofl beej ahhahahaha that's a reference to a blowjob right??? WE got a blow job for our 100th member... it's the good life.


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